SHADE OF GRACE — PART SIX HOT—Inside and Out

Suffering

It happened again—she found herself depleted.

Drained by the ongoing drama with her sibling and the vicious cycle of impossible interactions, her frustrations cozied up with anger and settled in for the long haul.

Then there was all the immaturity, neediness, and worldliness of the younger folks that attended their weekly gatherings. By the end of those evenings, she felt sucked dry. Barren. Exasperation and exhaustion filled the days following these get-togethers. 

A close relative required lots of attention, necessitating hours of her assistance. Although the efforts would bless her and others, the expenditure of time zapped her energy. The grueling, hours-long process amped up her distress.

Random daily encounters compounded and aggravated her last nerve status.

On top of all of this, she had been “managing” physical issues which had caused extreme pain for the past twenty years. Complete healing remained elusive. Relief was always short-lived.

My friend felt debilitated. 

Shade

When she sauntered under the shade tree, pulling out a chair and propping her wrapped ankle on the patio table, it was clear she had something to share. 

She felt trapped in a vicious cycle of chronic pain and emotional discomfort. Then there was the daily wrestling with feeling consumed. Piled on top of that, disappointment with others and agitation, left her desperate for relief. The previous day her pain had reached an all-time high with the arrival of new hurts and additional soreness. 

For decades she struggled in silence. Banishing her “problem” to that place where the too-difficult, ugly, horrific, impossible-to-process things lodge. Those unspeakable things we did or think or still do, but fail to deal with apart from the light of God’s truth. 

With glistening tears inching down her cheek, she opened the vault of unspoken hurts and released her conflict into the world. She never dared to say to herself, or anyone else, what she truly felt.

She acknowledged she was unable to reconcile God’s love for her with the suffering she endured.

Grace

My friend continued processing her burdens. 

As I listened, things I had read shortly before her arrival came to mind. The longer she spoke, the more things resurfaced. 

Divine guidance in the form of a devotional entry brought fresh tears.

A couple of quotes confirmed and comforted her budding realization. 

She recognized that her greatest pain and difficulties came from being self-focused or from her specific longings for others.

Even good desires can become harmful if not submitted to God. 

Her desire for pleasant relationships, easy encounters, and people who didn’t drain her kept her on edge. She felt if people would just obey God and follow Him, her life would be better. The tug-of-war between God’s truth and her desires for herself and others, in addition to her physical discomfort, ravaged her heart. 

Then, simmering under everything was the challenge of reconciling God’s love for her in relation to her chronic pain.

Receive

“God is loving,” she affirmed, “I need to pray to be more receptive to His love.” 

She sensed a specific year-long journey of receiving God’s love was her next step. The thought of humbly accepting, relishing, embracing, and fully experiencing His love infused her with hope.     

Her awareness that we cannot give what we do not have collided with her ongoing struggles. She could not continue to waffle between life in her own strength, versus faith in God. A faith that leaves everyone and everything in God’s hands while she simply receives His love. 

As her loving relationship with God overflows, she will be able to love others the way God has called her to love them. A love that bears with others, pulses with hope, and believes she will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Genuine love that does not require rescuing, managing, or orchestrating things or others, but brings lavish freedom. Instead of exhausting encounters, she will be free to experience God’s heart and mind regardless of the circumstances.

She can love, knowing God has her and everyone she encounters. Confident that God is unfolding His plan in His time and His way, she can rest. She can simply receive.

The fear of being depleted will be replaced by an awareness of God’s strength and supply. No longer enslaved by looking at herself and the internal resources she has, or doesn’t, she has determined to look to God alone. 

Reorient

When we shift our focus away from ourselves and towards God, everything changes.

Living with a posture of receiving from God keeps us humble, and frees us to see others as His image-bearers. People are not projects or problems, but the ones Christ died for. We are not the Savior—Jesus is, and we can always pray for others while pointing them to Him. 

My friend realized the significance of the suffering she had endured. Her pain—physical and emotional, carried her into a deeper relationship with God. A communion more vibrant than she has ever known, and for that she is grateful. 

I cannot help but think of James 1:4.

And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.

Amplified Bible

My friend had no idea that she was testifying, through her struggle, confession, and newfound focus of receiving God’s love, of the shade of God’s grace. The furnace of affliction was only burning off everything that does not look like Jesus in her life. She felt scorched because she was wrestling instead of resting.

Will You?

Having a front-row seat and watching God move never gets old. 

One moment while we visited, the breeze-kissed leaves cast fanciful shadows down the long table where we sat. I sensed God confirming something. It was like a private joke or intimate exchange between spouses. The visual display, too bold to miss, was a fitting example of God’s truth as a shady place of grace.

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you were unwilling. 

Isaiah 30:15 ESV

God has a lavish place my friend can retreat to. It’s the sixth verse I heard when this whole SHADE OF GRACE journey began. (SEE PREVIOUS POST)

Returning. Rest. Saved. Quietness. Trust. Strength. Sounds luscious to me! 

Are you willing?

Prayer

Lord, forgive us for continuing to labor in our own strength, according to our own wits, without regard to You and Your gracious provisions for us. 

We need saving today. 

May the challenges and trials we face turn us to You, instead of turning us inside out and upside down. 

Thank You for the open invitation to come to You, to learn from You, and to do life with You. 

How we praise You that Your thoughts are higher than our thoughts. We acknowledge Your ways are always good, loving, and gracious.

Help us know, not intellectually but practically, Your strength as we receive from Your fullness—quiet and confident because we humbly trust You.

And most of all, make us willing.

(I think the things God gives us are most often meant to be shared. A blessing multiplied as it were. This whole, SHADE OF GRACE, series was never meant solely for me. I was meant to pass along what I was learning. My dear friend, in the same way, wanted to share her story hoping it might help another struggling saint. 

Also, the following day, her pastor asked everyone to turn their palms up in a posture of receptivity then he prayed for them to RECEIVE God’s love. My friend wept.)